Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
