a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
