my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize