im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
