Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
