OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she woke up with a sticky ear
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
