Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
