pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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