I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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