everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
