I can text with my tongue
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
