Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
