At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
