I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we should paint friendship bongs
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