Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
