after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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