Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
