It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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