Your dad touched me again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
