Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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