this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
