Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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