I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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