she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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