So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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