I wish I only lived at night.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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