I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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