I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
