How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
