yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize