I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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