my soul wont recognize me after tonight
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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