I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
