don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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