I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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