My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
