I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She is in my trunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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