six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
