giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
