I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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