My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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