Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
