There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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