I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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