you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize