We're facebook friends in real life
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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