apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
