i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
