I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
