Can Purell be used as lube?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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