It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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