It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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