I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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