i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
