You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
