Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
