Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
