If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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