Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
