My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
