I don't think brook has ever known best
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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