Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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