I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
