I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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