Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
