I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
