You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
