How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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