he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
