she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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