cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
