I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
