I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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