I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize