Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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