Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize