What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
