The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
