i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
