how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
