I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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