I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
