Apparently you make a good broom.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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