Where did you get a picture of my penis
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
