I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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