She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
