I just cut my nipple shaving
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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