Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A bitchslap is in order.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize