U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
