dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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