I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
