Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
