I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Terrible idea I love it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
