i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
