all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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