My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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