I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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