I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My vagina is officially offended.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A bitchslap is in order.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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